by | Life Application
Tonight my heart feels heavy and I can’t really describe why. I have sadness I guess. Getting in touch with my emotions isn’t necessarily my strongpoint, so bare with me here.
I took a friend out for dinner tonight for her birthday. We had a great time. It was just the two of us in the middle of the restaurant. At that moment I didn’t care if the rest of the world existed. Before I had to go back to Table Rock Freedom Center I wanted to stop by my apartment and get some things.
As I walked in everything looked strange, yet familiar. I opened cabinets and looked in drawers. I walked from room to room exploring. Then I sat on the couch and cried a river. A few days ago I began to wonder exactly how I had gotten myself to where I was. How did all of this happen? Really. How did it happen?
I will never live there again. I won’t ever sit on that deck and make up stories about my neighbors. I won’t ever cook in that kitchen. I won’t listen to Joyce Meyer in the bathroom every morning, as I get ready. I won’t drift off to sleep in that bedroom anymore. But I was reminded that God has another plan, and that I will get the chance to do those things again.
I started to go through my closet and I came across a t-shirt. I didn’t even know I had it. It was my “pop’s” shirt. He used to sleep in it. I thought the only thing I had left of him were some pictures and his ashes. I held it in my hands and cried. If only I could talk to him one more time. If only.
An hour later I told Jammie goodbye and decided that I probably shouldn’t watch her drive away. Instead I went to my favorite place in the house, the bathroom, and prayed. I needed His strength; I certainly couldn’t rely on my own.
I have since dried my tears and found my smile, as I sat in the kitchen and heard laughter from all of my sisters. I am home. It’s not the home I could have ever imagined in my lifetime, but it’s home.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done! There are moments I want to give up. I want to raise the white flag and tell God I cannot handle the tasks He has set before me. Is that selfish? Absolutely, but it’s honest. I realize more and more each day that I am absolutely nothing without Him. Nothing!
I am a mere human being on a tiny peanut of a planet who cannot, nor do I want to exist without my Savior. I know that tonight will be a distant memory to come. I know that happier days are coming. I know that God is planning another revival in my heart. So what do I do in the meantime? Wait.
As I write this I’m staring at a picture on the wall. It says:
When everything seems to go wrong – just PUSH
When the job gets you down – just PUSH
When people don’t react the way you think they should – just PUSH
When your money looks “gone” and the bills are due – just PUSH
When people just don’t understand you – just PUSH
PUSH – PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS!
I am off to bed. As I lie down tonight I will sleep with my daddy’s t-shirt on. But whose arms will be around me? My Jesus. They always are. Always!
by | Faith Lived Out, Life Application
Do you ever have one of those days where you have truly felt changed? You can’t exactly put your finger on a certain instance that changed you, but you just know. Yesterday was that day for me.
I had a great workout with one of my sisters. As we crunched and stooped and walked, we praised God for the things in our lives. We gave Him thanks for the smallest things to the biggest things.
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by | Life Application
There are various definitions for the word humble. The most powerful to me would have to be – to lower in pride; make modest. That definition speaks powerful truth to me.
The word humble is in the Bible over twenty times. Moses was humbled. Solomon was humbled. David was humbled. Jacob was humbled and Joseph was certainly humbled. What about Job? I would have to say Yes!
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by | Life Application
This post was originally written in August 2009. Since then God has healed my heart and made some drastic changes. He wants to heal your heart too.
Interesting question. I believe the answer is yes. I believe I saw it first hand.
My grandfather passed away on August 15. He was 84. Yes, he was old. Yes, he had been sick. Yes, his cancer was back. But I believe he died from a weakened heart. I believe he gave up because he felt lost.
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by | Faith Lived Out, Life Application
I learned this week that a man I went to school with had taken his own life. My first thoughts revolved around the sadness I had for the child he left behind.
That little boy would never really get to know his father. But as the week went on I began to think about his salvation. The last time I saw him was about 10 years ago, during a very dark time in my life. It was during that time that I was involved in drugs and considering my own suicide.
I was listening to a sermon this week about Heaven and Hell. The preacher said something to me that really stuck out. Over 6,000 people a day in the United States go into Eternity. Over 6,000 people! But where do they go? Heaven or Hell? That question has left an aching in my heart. I know where I’m going when I become one of those 6,000 people. But the sad reality is, there are MANY who don’t. And I haven’t always known.
Today I ask many “what if’s?” What if I wouldn’t have opened my eyes to Jesus when I did? What if I was still wandering this world lost, looking for all the wrong answers? What if someone would have reached out to him? What if I would have been that someone?
I don’t know where his eternity will be spent. But as I look around at many of my loved ones today, I know the answer. But that answer doesn’t have to stay the same. Where do I go from here? What do I do? My first step is prayer. My second step is to be an example. The third, and hardest step is speaking the truth.
6God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you 7and give relief to you who are troubled, and to us as well. This will happen when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven in blazing fire with his powerful angels. 8He will punish those who do not know God and do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. 9They will be punished with everlasting destruction and shut out from the presence of the Lord and from the majesty of his power 10on the day he comes to be glorified in his holy people and to be marveled at among all those who have believed. 2 Thessalonians 1:6-10
Sobering words if I say so myself. I praise the Lord that I am able to say with confidence, not cockiness, that on the day of Christ’s return I will be among those glorified, not punished with everlasting destruction. I praise God that I have received that promise. It was only three years ago that I received that promise.
It’s only too late when He has called your name one final time. Where is your Eternity?
by | Life Application
Someone asked me yesterday about my pet peeves. I told them that judging others bothered me. I had never given much thought about the things that bothered me about others. I just knew what I liked and didn’t like.
- Judgmental people.
- Drama.
- Arrogance.
- People who can’t just get to the point.
These are just a few. But I found myself last night doing these very things that I hate, which brings up another one of my pet peeves, hypocrites. I got a wake up call last night – one I don’ t feel proud to admit.
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