What Do You Most Desire?
Is God your hearts desire? Join me for a video blog as I discuss the need to earnestly seek God.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuGNaIhXEtE]
Be Still..
We have good days and we have bad days. We have weaknesses and strengths. We have turbulence on this ride we call life. But in the midst of it all, I choose to keep joy. I choose to keep joy!
I stare at the tear stained words of Zephaniah 3:17 as I take a break from letting the crocodile tears flow as I grasp my Bible tightly in my arms. I just want to be close to Him. Right now my mind seems to be going at a pace too fast to focus on what God is trying to show me in His Word. All I can do at this moment is hold onto this book for dear life – it is my saving grace! The words may be blurred. My mind may be racing too fast, but if this is the only way I can feel Him near me at the moment, then that’s what I have to do.
I miss God. I’m missing Him terribly! It seems I don’t get as much time with Him as I used to. There were days in my schedule that one more Bible study was going to drive me nuts. One more ½ hour of prayer was going to put me to sleep. Now I’m striving to find the time to spend with him; looking for that quiet place for just five minutes to be with Him.
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. – Zephaniah 3:17
He is quieting me with His love as I write this. What does that look like? I intended to come downstairs, open my Bible and just read. I was going to enjoy the quietness awaiting me. But that’s not what it looks like. The tears have stopped because my roommate has joined me. But He is still quieting me with His love. My Bible is next to me. My back propped up against three pillows. My feet dangle over the side of the bed. The fan blows on me. And sweet music plays in my ear. For right now this is my idea of stillness. I’ve looked forward to it all day.
My mind still hasn’t slowed down enough to bring the words together, but every so often I rub my fingers across the now dried pages just to touch it – to remind myself that I am still close to Him.
As my mind slows down His Word starts to come to me.
- The Lord is my strength and my song. – Exodus 15:2
- I have loved you with an everlasting love. – Jeremiah 31:3
- Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal. – Isaiah 26:4
Tonight I have experienced some sadness. I’ve experienced anxiety. I’ve experienced fear. But my joy has still remained. Do you realize that you don’t always have to be happy and have a smile plastered on your face to have joy? I haven’t always known that. My joy remains because I know God loves me. He loves me when I’m crying out to Him. He loves me when I’m ignoring Him. He loves me when I get too busy. And He loves me when I coming running back to Him in desperation. He loves me – it’s that simple. Thank you Father!
“Shhhh,” He says. “Be still and know that I am God.”
Just Keep Waiting…
Do you ever have those moments where you wait for something so long you finally just come to terms with the fact that it will never happen? The older you get the more you move it to some empty shelf space in the back of your mind to collect dust. You see it every now and again when you do some spring cleaning, but there it sets, still on the shelf.
Tonight that moment came for me. As I sat in regret over the Doritos and French Onion dip that I had eaten, my guilt was rising up inside. Condemnation was written all over me. Then I got the call.
My grandpa, who I hadn’t spoken with or seen in a year was calling me. I didn’t recognize the number on the caller id or I probably would have dropped the phone before having the chance to answer it. “Do you know who this is?” he asked. I knew immediately – his voice is pretty recognizable. I didn’t know what to say. “This is your long lost family down in God’s Country,” he said. Then he said he saw some pictures of me and couldn’t believe it was me.
Then came words I never expected from a man whose approval I wasn’t sure I would ever receive. He thought I was pretty. He couldn’t believe those pictures were me. “I’m proud of you.”
That dusty shelf in my mind was clean and looked as good as new. My waiting days were over. One of the things I wanted so badly that I had almost given up on had just actually happened. God knew exactly what I need at exactly His right timing.
He’s good like that, and I have one more shelf in my dusty old mind cleaned off. Thank you Jesus!
Some Things Never Change. Or Do They?
For a solid year I woke up every morning to do basically the same thing.
- Wake up time: 7 am
- Breakfast: 8 am
- Bible Study/Prayer/Praise & Worship/Group Devotions/Study Hall: 8:30 – Noon
- Lunch: 12:30
- Chores: 1 pm
- Class/Interactive Group: 2-3 pm
- Study Hall/Cook Dinner: 4-5 pm
- Dinner: 5 pm
- Celebrate Recovery/Bible Study/Solution/Chapel (Depending on the day): 6:30-8 pm
- Lights Out: 10 pm
My life was structured for me. I knew what I was doing at each moment of the day. Some days it got old; most days I was grateful. Here I sit today in the middle of the afternoon on my laptop. I’m browsing Facebook, Twitter, reading blogs, and replying to emails. I’m free at this moment to do what I want. I can leave. I can read. I can nap.
For the last week I’ve cruised around the Facebook pages of many people looking at pictures. I haven’t been part of many of my “friends” lives for a year now, so I thought it would be nice to catch up on their lives via photos. What did I find?
Nothing much has changed. I see a picture at the bar partying ’til the wee hours of the morning. It’s basically the same picture I saw of that same person a year ago. Their status reveals the hang-over they are still suffering from and how much of a drag it is they have to be at work in a few hours. I see the new tattoo of a beer bong on the arm of a guy I know has better things to do.
In the last year I have faced trials of many kinds. I have had issues put in my face on a daily basis. “Sundi Jo, you’re prideful. Sundi Jo don’t be so mean. Quit being so rebellious! It’s about simple obedience.” In the last year my daily schedule has been decided for me. What I would eat for dinner and exactly how much of it I would eat was decided for me.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can look back on the last twelve months and see change. I know that growth has taken place. Then I look at others and realize they are still the same. They are still in the same rut they were the day God provided me the opportunity to get help.
I don’t write this to say that I am better and have been the only one that has changed. I know that’s not true. But I write this with sadness as I see the true reality of what the world is like. For a year I was taken out of the world and put in a safe haven. Not everyone has gotten that opportunity. I have sadness knowing the potential of so many of those I know who are doing nothing because the world has swallowed them. Do they know how to get out? Have they felt the gentle nudge of someone walking along side them trying to direct them down a path of wholeness? I want to see it happen for them – all of them.
We can all be restored to wholeness. We just have to have our eyes opened enough to grasp the opportunity.
He Makes All Things New Again
I am reminded of that today. Jesus makes all things new again. All things! What does that mean to you? To me it means:
- He can take a child whose mother left him at the doorstep of a hospital and make him new with a family that raises him up as their own.
- He can take a prostitute who walked around lost and crying out to him, but couldn’t open her eyes wide enough to see, and turn her into the princess of the Most High.
- He can take a meth addict who desperately sought to be a mother to her child, but couldn’t do it on her own, and open her heart to love like she’s never known.
- He can take a girl whose innocence was stolen as a child by a man she trusted and restore her to wholeness.
Oh, the things He can do!
My pastor introduced me to this video and it inspired me to write today. Though the graphics and the song bring sadness to my heart, I am reminded of His grace and mercy again as I have been made new. We can all be made new!
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. – 2 Corinthians 5:17
Embrace this video and find comfort in knowing just how saved we are.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQ7oAhYNEhg]
Life is a Rollercoaster
2007
Me: What do you want for Christmas?
Caleb: I want you to be skinny enough to ride a roller coaster with me.
2008
Me: What do you want for Christmas?
Caleb: I just want you to be skinny so we can do things together.
2010
I’m learning that the little things in life are so important. The only thing I’ve known all my life is being overweight. It’s who I was – it defined me. Or so I thought. Bring God into the picture and you learn differently.
He is changing me. He HAS changed me; from the inside out.
Food fixed my pain. It soothed me. It hid me from the world. For every pound I gained I was one step closer to keeping people from getting close. I didn’t want anyone breaking through my walls. But the truth is deep down I desperately wanted those walls to be broken down. I got my wish.
When a little boy with the most precious eyes and big heart doesn’t ask you for money, the newest video game, or the most popular toy, but he looks you in the eyes and all he wants is you, how can your heart not melt? For years I’ve been so absorbed in my own pain and sadness that I could only exist. I couldn’t give him what he really wanted. I couldn’t give him me.
But that’s all gone, because I’m here now. I’m really here. God is good.
Caleb got his wish this past weekend. I sat on a roller coaster next to him, while he grinned from ear to ear and told me how proud of me he was. Those words coming from a little boy does something to your heart. He held my hand and said, “You’re doing it. You’re really doing it! I love you!”
It’s amazing what God can do when you get out of his way and let him do his thing. I’m living a life I never knew existed. I’m really living it!
As I stood in line to ride Wildfire I realized that my life has been much like this rollercoaster. I’ve been up and down, through the loop, backwards, upside down, and way over the top. But today I feel different. I’m enjoying this ride and know it will only get better.
One pair of running shoes: $60
Ticket to Silver Dollar City: $56
The smile on a young boy’s face when his wish comes true: Priceless