Today I’m back to part three of the Restoration series. Remind me again why I decided to process this with all of you on a blog? Oh yes.. It held me accountable to do it. Thanks.
In case you haven’t been keeping up, here is part one and two of the series to get you caught up: The Beginning of Restoration She Really Answered – Part Two of the Restoration Series
She said in a genuine voice, “I’m looking forward to seeing you.”
And I said in a genuine voice, “Me too.” I meant it.
I hung up the phone and waited for Skeeter to pinch me. Was this real? Thirteen years of silence had just been broken. In one week I would see the woman I had once despised face to face.
Then Monday came. We decided to meet at Ruby Tuesdays. Okay, actually I decided to meet at Ruby Tuesdays. My emotions were telling me I wanted pizza, a cheesburger, as much chocolate as I could get my hands on, and anything else I could think of. I opted for the salad bar. P.S. I’m a sucker for Edamame. I order the all-you-can-eat salad bar and load my plate with the yummiest soybeans ever!
Ok – back on track.
We were to meet at noon. I showed up at 11:45 and sat in the booth trying to picture how this meeting was going to go. What if she really wasn’t happy to see me? Was I supposed to hug her? Perhaps I should just shake her hand? Should I smile with all my teeth or my mouth closed? What if she doesn’t show up?
My mind was running a thousand miles per hour and my hands were shaking. I stared at the clock on my phone contemplating whether I should just leave and forget this whole thing ever happened. I still had time to sneak out before she got here. Even if she was here perhaps she wouldn’t recognize me. We hadn’t seen each other in 13 years. It was a great plan. I could dart out and just put it all past me.
I wanted to see her. I didn’t want to see her. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to run. Then there she was..
She walked around the corner and our eyes met. It was too late to run. I don’t remember standing up, but all of a sudden there we were embracing each other. Thirteen years of distance had been tossed out with a hug; a hug I had no idea how much I desperately wanted. I was trying really hard to cry. Get it together Sundi Jo. She’s only been here for 30 seconds.
She looked different, yet the same. The last time she saw me I weighed over 230 pounds. To her, I was an entirely different person. We sat down as I silently prayed, “God, you’ve got to direction this conversation. I have no clue what I’m doing.” I can imagine she was thinking the same thing.
“You look great,” she said with a huge smile.
“Thank you.”
We figured up the time since we had last seen each other and made small talk. Our poor waitress knew she was in for the long haul when she came to the table three times and we couldn’t even remember the menus were in front of us. Perhaps my shaking hands gave her the clue that I had no idea what I was doing. I think I remembered to order water if that counts.
As we made more small talk I started to realize that soon we would be talking about the subject I had wanted to avoid – my dad. Of course I knew it was coming, but I wasn’t ready for it. I’m not sure you can be ready for something like that. We finally ordered, filled our plates at the salad bar, and there was that known silence in the air that the unavoidable subject was about to begin.
I wasn’t ready for the truth that would soon hit me. To be continued…
In case you are just joining this blog, I started the first post yesterday in the restoration series. Check out the beginning here.
I picked up the phone and said, “God, you’ve got to speak through me. I have no idea what to say.” I looked at Skeeter the dog, got the go ahead from her kisses, and dialed the number.
“Hello,” said the deep voice on the other side of the phone. I immediately knew it was her dad, Don. I hadn’t heard his voice in years, but it immediately brought back the memories of fishing with him on Sundays, and eating ice cream while I tried to avoid the psychotic bark of his tiny Chichaua Fifi.
“Is Julie there?” I asked.
“Are you here?” he asked her in the background before he came back to the line.
“She’s not here.”
I laughed and said, “Okay, will you tell her that Sundi Jo called?”
The surprise in his voice wasn’t hidden as he asked in shock, “Sundi Jo? Yes, she’s here!”
The few seconds it took her to come to the phone seemed like an eternity to me. The spinning in my head reminded me that I needed to breathe. I was exhaling just as she got on the phone and said, “hello.”
“Hey, this is Sundi Jo, how are you?” I was multitasking at this point. Trying to remember to breathe. Hold the phone to my ear. Shaking my leg 100 miles per hour. Again, remembering to breathe. Keeping a smile on my face. Always smile on the phone. I learned this from being on the radio. People can hear your smile.
“I’m good. How are you?”
“I’m doing great.” I was actually telling the truth. I was doing great. For the first time in my life I was really living. She had no idea I had been simply surviving all these years.
“You sound great,” she said. “It’s been so long.” I know in the back of her mind she was waiting for me to deliver the bad news. Why could I possibly be calling her. Who was I getting ready to tell her had died. Afterall, the last time she had heard any news regarding me was hearing the death of my father.
“It has been a long time,” I said. “I’ve just been thinking about you and would love to catch up. I’m going to be in town next weekend and would love to take you out to lunch.”
“I would love that.”
Really? I’m not sure what type of response I was waiting for. I hadn’t thought that far through. I was simply trying to have the courage to dial the phone. I wasn’t prepared for her to say yes.
We had small talk for a little bit. This is what I’m doing today. How is so and so?
My nervous meter was at full capacity and I couldn’t talk anymore.
“Well, I’m looking forward to seeing you. I’ll call you next week and we’ll catch up.”
She said in a genuine voice, “I’m looking forward to seeing you.”
And I said in a genuine voice, “Me too.” I meant it.
I hung up the phone and waited for Skeeter to pinch me. Was this real? Thirteen years of silence had just been broken. In one week I would see the woman I had once despised face to face.
To be continued…
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Over this last month God has done some GINORMOUS things in my life, including the restoration of a relationship I had never planned to restore. Honestly, He’s had me on super mode lately, and I haven’t gotten the time to sit down and process. So I thought, why not process with you? Tune in for the life-changing story of restoration with my step-mom, Julie.
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photo credit: flickr (creative commons)
For years I hated her. I couldn’t pin point an exact reason – there were several I guess. But I hated her. I fed that hate and a bitter root grew inside of me.
She had been with my dad for most of my life. The last time I saw her was 13 years ago as my dad lay in the hospital bed after a drunk driving accident. I was done with him. I decided to be done with her too. I chose to dwell on all the bad memories we had together and toss the good ones aside. She was the bad guy and it would stay that way. Afterall, step-moms are supposed to be the evil one anyway right?
A year ago, however, God said, “no more.” He was trying to teach me about love. I realized I couldn’t love with bitterness in my heart. I made the decision to forgive her. I made the decision to rip that bitterness up by its roots and toss it as far as I could. It was killing me. If I was going to die it wouldn’t be from hate. Besides, I could forgive her and never have to talk with her. Then…
A month ago God did the BIG move. It was time to get in touch with her. I prayed about it. Then I waited. Then I prayed again just to make sure. Then I waited. Then I prayed again. Finally, I picked up the danged phone. I got the hint that God wasn’t going to change His mind.
I dialed her number having no idea what to expect. What do you say after 13 years?
“You have reached a number that is not accepting calls.”
I finally breathed and thought to myself, Well I tried. I was obedient. All was well.
But the feeling wouldn’t go away. I knew deep inside that wasn’t the end of it. Fast forward to three weeks ago. He said it was time to call her again. So, I dialed the number again, held my breath and waited. This time it said the phone wasn’t working. Another sigh of relief.
I imagined myself talking with her. What would I say? What would she say? It dawned on me at that moment that I had only been thinking about my side of the situation. What about hers? Perhaps she didn’t even want to talk to me. Duh! Fear overwhelmed me as I thought, What if she doesn’t want to talk to me? Of course she does. Why wouldn’t she want to talk to me? But what if she doesn’t? It doesn’t matter anyway Sundi Jo. You can’t get a hold of her. It was calm again…
I started to feel confused, as I thought God wanted me to talk to her. I was being obedient to His will and it wasn’t working out. It didn’t make sense to me. Then on a Saturday afternoon, sitting on the couch of a friends house enjoying some peace and quiet while she was out of town, He let me know again it was time. I remembered my mom suggesting looking up her dad’s phone number on White Pages.
A few seconds later, there it was. The phone number I knew was going to lead me to her was staring me in the face. This was it. It was really going to happen. The butterflies in my gut danced around letting me know.
I picked up the phone and said, “God, you’ve got to speak through me. I have no idea what to say.” I looked at Skeeter the dog, got the go ahead from her kisses, and dialed the number. Don’t answer. Don’t answer. Don’t answer. I’m not ready. Don’t answer. Don’t answer. Don’t answer. “Hello.” To be continued…
If you’re just starting, you can view the rest of the series here: She Really Answered – Part Two of the Restoration Series Finally We Meet – Part Three of the Restoration Series
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I’ve been taking a World Religions class this semester and I thought I would be more excited about it than I am. I’m truly sick of hearing the word “religion” already. The more I hear the word, the more I flinch.
It has me wondering if that’s why so many people are turned off to Christianity. Do we as “Christians” make following Jesus look like a religion versus a relationship?
As a child I didn’t grow up in the church. I attended here and there, took part in some youth programs, but nothing that I remember changing my life.
What I do remember though is being told:
I couldn’t wear those shorts
I needed to talk with a whisper
I needed to memorize the chapter names of the Bible
I couldn’t use the word “hate”
Gambling was a sin
I never remember being told:
Jesus loves you
God sent His only Son to die for you
You don’t have to be ashamed of who you are because there is no shame in Christ Jesus
Who I am in Christ
What I remember seeing:
Partying with friends on Saturday and hearing them talk about attending church with their families on Sunday
People walking into the local cafe with their “church clothes” on only to treat the staff rude while they gossiped about what “so and so” did the night before
I didn’t know then, but I know now, that I was seeing religion. I was seeing the outside of the cup clean and shiny, but the inside was full of greed and wickedness.
I can still see religion in myself. Especially when I find myself being judgmental. I’m not being a Christ Follower; I’m being a religious jerk!
I hate religion…
I love relationship…
I didn’t understand there was a difference in religion and Christianity until real Jesus followers sought me out and showed me what love (God’s love) was all about.
My goal is to be a Christ follower that doesn’t just try to keep my cup all nice and shiny on the outside while I’m dying on the inside. I did that long enough. My cup is dirty. My cup can by sloppy. My cup is cracked. And I couldn’t be happier, because when people see me, they see relationship; not religion.
What do you think we can start doing today to make being a follower of Jesus Christ look like something others want? Comment below…
Do you ever get a piece of truth to chew on that you’ve known in the back of your mind would eventually come out? What do you do with that piece of truth?
This isn’t a how to blog post to let you know how you should handle this situation. This is actually me writing it out, trying to figure out what to do with it myself.
Over the last two weeks God has moved at a speed in my life I can barely keep up with. As soon as I can slow down enough to write about it all, I’ll be sharing with you. But last week he delivered a piece of truth to me through another person that I DID NOT want to hear.
I have realized over the last few days that I have been living in denial, and to be honest, it sucks. Part of me wants to go back to the denial; the other part wants to process and move forward. I am realizing that I have been putting this ideal image in my head of a situation that wasn’t ideal at all. God bursted that bubble and I don’t really like it.
Does that mean I’m losing trust in Him? Absolutely not. Does that mean I am venting to Him a lot? Absolutely.
This post is short as I am actually still in the beginning of the proecessing stage. Thanks for the ear. How do you chew on a nugget of truth that doesn’t taste so good? Comment below…
If you’re reading this, I’m either packing, or heading to St. Louis for the 2011 Love Life Women’s Conference, hosted by Joyce Meyer. Ok.. if you’re reading this earlier than 9 am, I’m most likely still snoring.
I’m sure I’ll be blogging about my amazing experience at this year’s conference, but I wanted to tell you something cool first.
I hadn’t planned to make it this year. I was privileged to attend last year with one of my best friends, Jammie, but this year wasn’t going to allow either one of us to attend financially. We were okay with that. Then…
Jammie calls me to say she received two tickets in the mail. She has no idea still where they came from or who sent them. My guess?
God stuck them in an envelope, licked it (because the sticky stuff doesn’t gross him out like it does me), and dropped them in the mail. Even cooler.. maybe He just had an angel swing by the mailbox and toss them in.
I love blessings like this. You don’t expect them.
We wanted to go, but we were both okay with the fact that it wouldn’t happen this year. God thought otherwise. Have I mentioned how cool He is?
I can’t wait to fill you in on the details of this amazing conference. I will be blessed with not only the teachings of Joyce Meyer, but Nancy Alcorn, the director of Mercy Ministries, and John and Stasi Eldredge will be there. They are the authors of one of my favorite, life transforming books, Captivating.
I will be standing among over 20,000 women worshiping God, digging deeper into the teachings of restoration.
I’m so excited! What unexpected blessings have you received lately? Comment below…
