Sometimes I notice things I don’t want to see.
I realize the older I get the more I enjoy details. It’s important for me to know the why behind the what. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it can often get me into trouble. Lysa TerKeurst’s #BEaNOTICER series inspired me to look at my own heart.
It’s much easier for me to notice what others are doing wrong much quicker than what they do right.
Why didn’t he remember we had that conversation last week? Why is she perusing through the Facebook world when she’s supposed to be listening to the sermon? I would never raise my kids like that!
Yes, I can be a real jerk, quickly forgetting the wonderful things my friends do in the midst of their flaws.
Oh how quick I am to forget the numerous amount of times they’ve wanted to “fix” me, but choose to love me without judgment despite my weaknesses.
I realize God gives us discernment to pay attention to things that require action, but He’s also given us the ability to notice the beauty in every person He so graciously created.
I want to be a different kind of noticer. The kind who says,
“I love how you smile at everyone you meet and don’t know a stranger.”
“Thank you for listening to my problems even when you’re exhausted.”
“Your kids are so blessed to have you as their mother.”
What do you notice in others? Is it the need to fix others that draws you near, or your desire to simply know them more?
Guilt and shame. It’s something we’ve all dealt with numerous times in our lives. I’m sure we’ll soon meet again.
Is there a difference between guilt and shame? According to shame researcher Brene Brown, the answer to that question is yes. I agree.
Let’s break it down thanks to Mrs. Brown. (Okay, I just wrote the beginning of a rap song there, in case you didn’t notice.)
Guilt = I did something bad.
Shame = I am bad.
Here are a few examples of guilt vs. shame: Example 1: Overreating
You’ve struggled with food all of your life. You sit down for dinner and eat some leftover spaghetti from the night before. You’re bored. You’re lonely, so within a few minutes of finishing your dinner you rummage through the pantry until you find something else to snack on. Perhaps some crackers or a Pop-Tart. You’re full, you think.
Now the aftermath sets in. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m such a loser. I’m always going to be fat because I can’t control myself for five minutes. There’s no hope for me.
Sound familiar? It certainly does to me.
Guilt = I didn’t stop eating when I was full.
Shame = I’m a pig. There’s not hope for me. Example 2: Marriage
Your husband comes home from a long day of work and has looked forward to your delicious cooking all day long. You, too, had a hard day and realize as you pull into the driveway you forgot to lay the chicken out. There’s not time to prepare now. A frozen pizza it is. He walks into the kitchen with a disappointing look on his face.
The aftermath sets in and your thoughts go wild. Oh great, I screwed up again! I’m such a horrible wife. I’ll never be good enough for him. I can’t even cook a decent meal for my husband.
Guilt = I forgot to lay out the chicken to make his favorite meal.
Shame = I don’t know why I even bother. I’ll never make a good wife.
I could give a wide variety of examples, but I think you get the point.
Here’s the takeaway:
Shame is not from God. Never has been. Never will be. (Tweet that)
So you screwed up and ate more than you should. Allow that guilt to prompt you into repentance. The gracious God who created you and loves you wants to lavish you with His grace. Allow Him to give you that gift.
You forgot to lay out dinner. I bet it won’t be the last time. Smile at your husband, admit you forgot and enjoy your pizza with a nice glass of wine and a Netflix movie. You’ll laugh about it later, if you allow yourself to.
Here’s what God says about shame,
Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. – Psalm 34:5
You, my friend are radiant. Embrace it. What truth do you tell yourself when shame tries to take over? Share in the comments.
I was speaking words over myself that were not part of God’s plan for me.
So I agreed that I was up for the challenge.
I sat around the lunch table during a family visit home when my grandmother said these words to me, after other family members attempted to hook me up with the local mortician:
Do you think I will live long enough to see you get married?
I took a bite of my sandwich before replying, “I’m only 30 people! Give me a break.” I considered sharing the news with her that I was never getting married, but quickly remembered I had agreed to the challenge that those words were no longer part of my vocabulary. I still struggle with the fear of getting married.
I originally wrote this post for my friends over at Single Roots. Click here to read the rest of the post and learn how I’m overcoming this fear.
Let me ask you a question.
What is happening in your life right now that you know you want to do something – change something – but you’re not sure what to do?
Ya, me too.
Whether you’re struggling with weight loss, pursuing a dream, fighting addiction, whatever it is, let’s just take the next right step together.
Watch this short vlog and learn how to take the next right step in pursuing something great.
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Can you imagine being called to deliver to a pizza party, only to find out Ellen plans to drag you into the crowd with the likes of Angelina Jolie, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, and more?
photo credit: eonline
The guy delivering the pizzas was not an actor, but actually a real delivery man whose life will never be the same. I’m impressed at how calm and collected he remained. I probably couldn’t have done the same.
Seeing him get to do something he never expected to happen reminded me of how amazing God’s love is.
He wants to lavish us with surprises!
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him. – 1 Corinthians 2:9
I’ve talked to so many who seem to think God is this distant God ready to punish us around every corner, just waiting for our next screw up. Oh, friends, that’s not the God I know.
He wants to give us the desires of our hearts. (Psalm 37:4)
He loves us with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)
If He’s waiting to surprise us, shouldn’t we be waiting, too?
I’m excited to see what He does for you when you least expect it. You never know. He could toss you in front of some of the greatest actors in the world because of something as simple as a pizza.
Look for his blessings today. They’re all around you. What did you enjoy about the Oscars? Share below…
It’s February. The excitement of your New Year’s Resolution has probably worn off by now.
You’ve already failed ten times on your new “life changing” diet. Your resolution to be more patient with your kids went to the wayside on day three when you walked into the hurricane they like to call their room.
So, you’re feeling down. 2015 is a ways away. What will you do for the next 10 months? May I make a suggestion?
Stop making resolutions and start setting goals.
What’s the difference?
Let’s use weight loss as an example. A resolution says, “I want to lose 30 lbs.” A goal says, “I want to lose 30 lbs. by July 31, 2014 and here’s how I’m going to do it.”
Resolutions are dreams in your head that never come to pass. Goals are something you make tangible before you. 25 percent of people abandon their New Year’s resolutions after one week, according to Michael Hyatt.
You have to get to the why behind your goal.
It’s easy to know the what. You want to lose weight. More specifically, you want to lose 30 lbs. Why?
Allow me to share one of my goals with you.
I want to pay off $3,000 of medical debt by December 31, 2014. My key motivation, my why, is because I want to be one step closer to financial freedom.
Here are some more motivations: Without debt I can start a college fund for Caleb, my little cousin. I won’t have to feel controlled by debt. I can teach others about financial responsibility. I could possibly write another book based on my experiences.
Keep your goals in front of you.
I consistently look at my goals. Sometimes more than once per week. I want to be reminded of the why behind my what. I track my progress. I look at my motivations and ask myself, What is getting in the way of my goals becoming reality?
At this point in my life $3,000 is a lot of money to pay off in one year, but it’s not impossible, especially if I keep remembering my why. Caleb and I often talk about his future plans and it’s a reminder to me that he’s almost 13 and I’ve got to get in gear if I’m going to help him with college.
Michael Hyatt, author, speaker, and goal expert, who has been a catalyst in helping me set goals and keep them, is someone I highly recommend you pay attention to when it comes to setting goals vs. making resolutions. Check out his course, 5 Days to Your Best Year Ever. The course is closed for now and I don’t know when he’ll open it up again. I can promise you this, it will open your eyes to the way you strive to make your biggest dreams come true in life. What goals are you working on in 2014? Share in the comments below…
