Others are often surprised to learn I’m not a fan of confrontation. Because I serve in different areas of leadership, it comes with an automatic assumption that calling people out, holding others accountable, and dealing with confrontation comes easy for me.
I can promise you that it doesn’t.
Confrontation is never easy for me, but I know it’s necessary. It’s necessary in all of our lives. Yours, mine, and the guy next door.
There usually isn’t a day that goes by I don’t have to muster up the courage to confront an issue, whether that’s talking through a hard topic with our Freedom Finders at Esther’s House, talking through something with a friend, etc.
Confronting hard situations takes courage.
Ilene Muething shared in a recent interview with Michael Hyatt, three simple truths you need to believe to work up the courage to speak up.
1. What you have to say is important.
If you are struggling with whether or not to say something weighty, this is generally a clue that you need to speak up. You are seeing or sensing something important that needs to be said about what is not working and needs to be fixed.
2. They need this criticism to get to the next level.
If they could see it on their own, they would already have made the change. That they aren’t changing it indicates a blind spot. So they need my eyes and my voice to get to the next level.
3. They can handle it.
Too often, we see others as fragile. We are afraid that if we speak up they will shatter into 1,000 little pieces. Or that they will fly off the handle. (Those of us overcoming codependency can relate to this one.)
Michael Hyatt says, “But this is usually not true. We need to think of people as giants. They can handle it, especially if we take care with our words and “speak the truth in love” (cf. Ephesians 4:15).”
Confront in Courage
When I sit down with a Freedom Finder at Esther’s House and know we have to discuss a hard topic about some decisions she’s made, it’s not easy. I go into the conversation knowing she may lose her temper, try to manipulate the situation, lie, stomp out, the list goes on. Those are all possibilities.
But there is also the opposite. She may receive it quickly, own up to her decisions, and move forward in growing.
Some days it is that simple, and some days not so much. But it’s worth the risk. She’s there because she’s seeking greater freedom and it’s my job to speak truth to her, regardless of how she may react.
Hyatt says, “Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the willingness to act in spite of my fear.”
I sat down with a close friend last year who was hurting and her decisions reflected she had fallen off the path to freedom. As her friend, I knew it was important for me to sit down with her and see where her heart was. I did NOT want to do it. I knew there was a great chance she would react instead of respond. I was right.
But I couldn’t cower in fear because of what I thought her reaction would be. Real friends show up even when they know it’s going to be hard. We have to show up, speak truth in love, despite what the reaction may be.
[ctt template=”5″ link=”8L69y” via=”yes” ]Confrontation isn’t comfortable, but we’re called to be brave. To confront. To love.[/ctt]
I was right, unfortunately. She did react. It was ugly. I walked away from that conversation a bit wounded because her wounds led her to say hurtful things. But despite my heartbreak, I knew I’d done the right thing. And deep down inside, she knew that, too.
It took her a minute to come around – to see that I was for her, not against her. That’s why I was willing to show up and say the hard things, despite the fear. That’s why I had to courageously call her up, because I knew eventually she would know the truth. She later thanked me for being willing to show up.
I don’t think confrontation is ever comfortable. I’m not sure it ever gets easier. But it’s always necessary. We’re called to be brave. To confront. To love.
Be courageous, my friend.
Is there a situation in your life right now you need to courageously confront?