I miss her. She was a mentor, a friend, a confidant. I sat under her authority, confided in her with some of my deepest, darkest secrets, and shared many laughs with her.
photo credit: grungetextures (creative commons)
It seems as though one day she was here and the next she wasn’t. I would like to say the change happened overnight, but it really didn’t. It was a gradual process – little things here and there.
I’d get a check in my spirit, but I’d brush it off because I thought she could be trusted. I should’ve listened to my gut, but I didn’t.
Yesterday I was bitter. I didn’t want to talk about her. I didn’t want to think about her. I certainly didn’t want to forgive her. One minute I was furious and the next I found myself missing her terribly.
I’m realizing something though, in the midst of this pain. I’m hurting the right way. I’m grieving.
Grieving Is a Process
It may not look normal as your emotions go up and down, but it is. One day you may be angry, the next your heart is breaking, followed by denial that your relationship no longer exists.
Go through the process, but don’t rush it. I realized recently I’ve been doing this. It’s been three months and I’ve tried to convince myself it should be over already. I should move on and be done with it. That’s not how grieving works.
The Five Stages of Grief
Not everyone goes through each stage and some stay in one longer than the other. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance take place, but not necessarily in that order.
As you may have guessed, I think I’m in the anger stage. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’m looking forward to acceptance, but it will come with time and I need to be okay with that. So do you.
Where you are right now doesn’t mean you’ll be there tomorrow.
Stop Rushing
I’m a go-getter. I like to-do lists. There’s something about marking a task off that energizes me, but there are some things we can’t just check off.
Pay bills. Check email. Schedule tweets. Get over it.
I have to remind myself it doesn’t work this way. Rome wasn’t built in a day and our emotions weren’t either. Taking the time to work through each grieving stage, if necessary, is vital to true healing. Any other way is simply a band-aid used to temporarily cover our wounds.
If there is something you need to grieve today, or perhaps you’re in the middle of the process, I encourage you to keep going. Journal about it, talk to a friend, pray. Let me know how I can pray for you – I’d be honored.
How do you handle the grieving process? Any words of wisdom to share? Leave a comment below…
A grief is a grief and to each person it is different. There is no one way to handle it, hopefully someone who is a good “listener” can be close by. Allowing the griever to talk, cry, whatever the emotion expressed serves well in the long run. I have no other words of wisdom. Time – if allowed – can heal all wounds.
I would have to say grieving shouldn’t happen “if time is allowed.” Time must be made.
you have taught me alot about grieving. thank you friend.