Sitting here feeling convicted this morning.
I sit here and post words of God’s inspiration, share His love, grace, mercy and forgiveness with you, but if I can’t always accept it or even walk in it, who am I?
What am I doing?
It’s so much easier to pour into others, comfort them, inspire them with God’s Word and His love for them and pray for them, than it is to focus on my own struggles – to reach out for help, to show weakness, to say “Hey, I don’t have it all together”.
Pride? Maybe…Probably..Absolutely!
Most people who have known me for a long time would probably say I’m hard headed and once I have my mind set on something, that’s where it usually stays. I guess I’ve been hard headed lately.
My entire focus has been on anything and everything that would keep me from feeling and healing from my own struggles. It’s been so much easier that way, until now.
It’s not that God hasn’t given me the wisdom or knowledge. It’s not that He hasn’t put people in my life to help me. It’s not that He hasn’t given me the resources to use or that He hasn’t continued to bless me with people who care, because He has. Sometimes I choose not to accept it or apply it to my life. Well,
He also allows consequences for our disobedience; for our choices we make outside of His will for our life. I can’t live in the flesh and expect Christ to live in me. It doesn’t work that way.
So, what i guess I’m trying to say is…
I don’t have it all together. I‘m really tired of acting like I do. I’m tired of focusing all my attention on everything other than where it needs to be– with God, His Healing Power, and His Will for my life.
I’ve cared for too long about what others think of me and what they are saying about me. I’ve wanted people to think I’ve got it all together, and it’s worked, for awhile.
So, what I want to admit now is…
[ctt template=”3″ link=”cIf1c” via=”yes” ]I’m tired of focusing all my attention on everything other than where it needs to be– with God, His Healing Power, and His Will for my life.[/ctt]
I’m broken. I’m lost. I’m not as strong as I pretend to be. I’m not as happy as I seem to be. I’m not as confident or secure as I act. I still struggle with depression and anxiety. I still struggle with temptation, and give in to it at times. I still struggle with insecurities every single day. I worry. I have fears.
That’s the real me.
The first principle based on the Beatitudes says, “Realize that I am not God. I admit I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable”.
Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor. Matthew 5:3.
That’s were I’m at and that’s what’s on my mind.