I had to run some errands in Springfield the other day and happened to be downtown. The Lord led me to drive by this place.  I’ve not been by that place in over 15 years. It definitely wasn’t a coincidence that God would lead me there at the start of pride month. 

No one was behind me, so I just stopped in the road for a minute and thanked God for His love; for pulling me out of the pit of the darkness; for showing me How much He loved me; and for setting me free from the lies I believed about who I was. 

I spent many weekends in this bar, drinking, laughing, dancing, and watching drag shows. I mentioned laughing because I was at that moment “having the time of my life” until one day, I realized that laughter was a coping mechanism to keep me from dealing with the true loneliness in my soul. 

I was so lost I couldn’t see straight. So broken. So desperate for something more, but I didn’t know what it was. There was a desperation to belong; for a moment, I thought I’d found where I belonged. But I would always wake up with that desperation still stirring in my soul. 

The enemy had stolen my identity as a small child. Confusion, chaos, fear, rejection, abandonment, and the list goes on… they kept me from knowing who I truly was, who God designed me to be, the plans He had for me, and the dreams He desired for me. 

But God… 

“I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.” – Psalm 40:1-3

Honestly, the first part of that Scripture isn’t true for me. I didn’t wait patiently for God, but He sure did wait patiently for me. And when I invited Him to set me free from the despair in my soul, whatever that would look like, He accepted the invitation and pulled me out of the pit.

And frankly, He still has to pull me out of the pit regularly. I can get myself into some stuff, let me tell ya. 

I don’t know how I ever did life without Him, and though I don’t want to reminisce and sit in the old memories of my life, I also never want to forget the pit He pulled me out of. 

Sitting on the road, I thought of a few different memories of my time inside that bar, and I didn’t get sad. I didn’t get mad at myself. I didn’t sit in shame. No, I smiled and thanked God for His love, grace, and mercy. And I thanked Him for pulling me out of the pit. 

And then I prayed… Prayed for every person who walks through those doors to realize God can pull them out of the pit. That God can show them who they truly are, not who the enemy wants them to believe they are. 

And then I drove home with a grateful heart.