I must say that I have never been one to enjoy romance novels. The thought of reading one made my lip curl. The last thing I ever wanted to do was get engulfed into a fictional story of a man sweeping a woman off her feet and them living happily ever after. My first thought – Gag!
So, when a friend of mine said she was going to start reading this book and showed me the cover that read, Redeeming Love, I sneered. It was over 400 pages long and the word “love” turned me off immediately.
On occasion she would rave about the book and recommend that I read it. I thought to myself, I’m not reading a book that has to do with love. No thank you!
Fast forward to last week. I somehow managed to have the book in my hand with a tiny bit of curiosity – although I wasn’t about to admit it. I was hooked in the first chapter.
Redeeming Love, written by Francine Rivers, is a book based on the biblical story of Hosea. God has revealed to Michael Hosea that he is to marry Angel, who just happens to be a prostitute. He does as he is told and brings this broken woman out of a life filled with disaster. He loves her and fights to build a life with her. She fights to stay completely away from him. Her brokenness refuses to allow her to see the love that she deserves.
As I got deeper into the book, I got deeper into the character of Angel. She was so lost, so broken. Her life had been shattered from an early age. She was used by men, raped, beaten, and completely torn apart. She hated herself and everything around her. As the years passed she learned to turn her emotions off. She built walls of stone around her, not allowing anyone to get inside her dark heart.
I related to Angel in so many ways. Suffering from my own sexual abuse as a child, I learned quickly to turn my emotions off. When people would try to hurt me I could smile at them and pretend as though I was cold as ice and nothing could hurt me; though inside I was dying.
I am still like that in so many ways. I spent years building a wall that I refused to let anyone break down. I wanted to be in control of all the situations in my life so no one could hurt me. If I hurt you first, you can’t hurt me. I lived by that.
God is an amazing God though! He slowly filled my life with people who have been able to break through those walls. He has filled my heart with overflowing love and forgiveness that has allowed me to realize that not everyone is out to hurt me. He has given me the power to forgive those who took part in building up my walls.
Some days are better than others. I will find myself opening up and telling parts of my past that make me ashamed. My walls begin to fall, but in an instant I realize it and the walls go back up.
What I love about God is that he is patient. He will be there to help me in breaking down walls and dealing with crazy emotions forever. Forever is a big word. But God is a big God.
Michael Hosea never left Angel. No matter how much she tried to hurt him, he didn’t leave. He relied on God to give him the strength to stay by her side. His anger raged at times. He had many moments of disbelief, but he stuck with it. It took years, but finally Angel realized he wasn’t going to leave her; he really did love her.
As I caught myself dreaming about the love story of Michael and Angel, I became Angel. Is there really a man out there like that? I then sarcastically began to thank Francine Rivers for false hope. I welcomed myself back to reality and said, “She has painted a picture of a man that doesn’t exist.” I had to remind myself this book is fiction.
A couple came into my office yesterday that had been married 48 years. They began to tell me the story of how they came together. “I asked her to marry me on our first date,” Mr. Hilt said. “She said I was crazy.” “He was crazy. Still is.”
I asked her why she married him. She told me that he had a great sense of humor, he worked hard and he loved his family. “Those three things were very important to me,” she said.
There they sat 48 years later. I could tell he still had his sense of humor. I could see the love for him in her eyes when she talked about their marriage.
I thought to myself, Maybe I would like to have that after all. Maybe love isn’t so bad.
Is there a man out there like Michael Hosea? I don’t know. But one can certainly dream. I’ve learned many things from reading this book. Although it is fiction there is so much truth in it.
There are broken people out there like Angel. I was one of them. And somewhere in this crazy world God has a man picked out for me.
Somewhere out there is a God fearing man who will be able to love me for me. He will be able to disregard my shameful past and love me for the person I am now, and the person I will be in the future. He will be able to break down my walls and soften my heart.
I guess you could say my thoughts on romance novels have shifted a little. This book reminded me that love can really exist. It reminded me of God’s love for me. It reminded me that people really can change, and that we are all broken in some way.
1 Peter 4:8 – Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.