So, as an intern at Table Rock Freedom Center I still have the privilege of receiving weekly sessions with the director, who by the way, is one cool chick.
Each week I sit down and talk about what I worked on the past week and what I want to improve on for the upcoming week. Last week’s topic was my priorities. I explained to Kim that I wasn’t sure if God was coming first. When I’m trying to process things out, instead of talking about them one on one, I write them out, then we discuss what I have written.
So, here’s some questions she asked me to answer:
- If you’re putting God first in your life what does that look like?
- Are you doing what is necessary to put Him first?
- If so, what would He say?
I have reflected on this over the last week and here’s the conclusion I have come to:
I don’t always put God first in my life, but I’m trying. Everyday I mess up, but everyday I grow one step closer to Him. I have been beating myself up lately thinking I wasn’t doing things the right way in the way I should seek a relationship with Him. But I think I’ve been looking at it the wrong way. How I seek God isn’t how everyone else does.
I try to start every morning off with Him, whether that’s reading the Bible, journaling, or simply praying. Some mornings I wake up with the intention to read His Word, journal and pray. But I find myself cozying up to the pillows, praying to Him for people, places, and things as I drift back and forth into consciousness between the snooze button. Guess what? That’s okay. It’s okay!
Step One For Me: Stop being so hard on myself.
What does the necessary in question two look like? There’s not a handbook. What’s necessary for me is to go to Him with EVERYTHING. Necessary is making sure I talk to him everyday, whether that’s in the shower, driving to class, playing the guitar, or simply playing a game of Sorry with friends. I talk to him all the time – that is necessary for me. What’s necessary for me is not spending a disciplined one hour every morning diligently praying, although I love it when He calls me to do so.
Step Two: I don’t have to be like everyone else.
What would God say?
I love you Sundi Jo. I love you with an everlasting love. You are not perfect, therefore you need me. Apart from me, you can do nothing. I will give you the strength you need for ALL things. Continue to trust me. Continue to talk to me, even when you’re mad – even when you aren’t making sense. I can make sense of everything you think. Fix your thoughts on me. Don’t give up. Continue to follow in obedience. Take one step at a time. Take one day at a time. I am sanctifying you. I love you when you’re happy, mad, sad, angry and overjoyed. Watch your pride and do everything possible to stay humble. Stay in my Word. Don’t try to make sense of it all at once – I will give you what you need when you need it. Did I mention I love you?