[guestpost]This is part three in a series of my latest journey with God. Click here to read the first post, ‘They Say I Had a Stroke,’ and here to read the second post, “Saying Goodbye to Dolly Parton.”[/guestpost]
Humility is a powerful thing. Sometimes we ask for it. Sometimes it comes when we least expect it. I’ve experienced my fair share in the last few months, both solicited and unsolicited. God’s grace has been prevalent in both. What a humbling season God has walked me through.
Friends drove me to doctor’s appointments. Others let me cook a meal at their house so Caleb and I could have a break from eating at the restaurant every night. Another let me do laundry at her house. We went to the home of others to eat a meal around their family table. For a time I lost my ability to even park a car or drive farther than a 10-mile radius. (I broke that rule once and learned it was a very, very bad idea.) I did laundry at a friend’s house.

I was reliant upon everyone else and to be honest, some days it really sucked. But in the midst of that, God reminded me again that He created us for community. He created us for relationships. In the midst of this trial, I’ve understood a deeper meaning of the power of family, and most of them I’m not even related to.
Something in me just couldn’t settle with being told I’d had a stroke. I was too young for that. It didn’t fit. Either I was in denial about this “stroke patient” label I’d been given or this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach was worth paying attention to. I prayed for God’s truth through my droopy mouth and declared that either way He was still good.
The enemy hates you, my friend. He hates me. He’s been set out to destroy us since the moment we were born, but even more so the moment we make the decision to be obedient to what God is leading us to do. I’m well aware of his disdain for Esther’s House. I hate him even more than he hates me. As I looked in the mirror one morning and saw my face, I declared whether my mouth stayed straight or crooked, the enemy would not steal my voice. I would still proclaim the goodness of God out loud every moment I could get.
Usually in the midst of a trial, we don’t understand when we’re going through it. It’s not until we hit a milestone in the journey that we look back and realize the “why” behind some things. One of my “why’s” was coming.
I’d been scheduled to attend a women’s retreat for months. Not only was I part of the leadership team for the weekend, I was scheduled to speak. Everything in me wanted to cancel. I don’t have the energy to sit through that all weekend. Will they be able to understand me when I talk? I don’t want to be asked a bunch of questions. I don’t want people staring at me. Maybe it’s best I just sit this one out.
The enemy almost won. Everyone would’ve understood my cancelling. But then I remembered again how much the devil hates me and how much I hate him. And I remembered I was in a battle and he was trying to steal my voice. There was literally no way in hell I was cancelling this retreat. I was showing up if it killed me, and I would do it with a smile. I knew if I showed up, God would show up too because that’s who He is. And boy did He show up! 
Saturday, September 24, 2016 is a day I’ll never forget. It’s a day 37 other people will never forget either. “Would you mind if we prayed over you?” my friend Becki asked. I sat down as 36 women, some I’d known for years, and other’s I’d only known for 48 hours, and one guy, layed hands on me and prayed. My sweet friend Roberta, one of the most amazing prayer warriors you’ll ever meet, touched my head and spoke with our Heavenly Father with such a confident boldness in His ability to heal, that tears immediately fell from my cheek.
As she prayed, Holy Spirit said to me, “Let go of unforgiveness and bitterness.” So I did, out loud. As these sweet, beautiful hearts prayed for me, I felt my face straighten. I walked into that church building on a Saturday night with the left side of my face drooping. I walked out an hour later grinning ear to ear with a straight face.

Here’s the thing about that night. I’d already told God whatever He decided to do with my face, I would still glorify Him. Whether He healed me or didn’t, I would not stop praising His name. I would not stop using my voice to share His truth with others.
“God, you already know I trust you with my healing,” I said as I looked in the mirror that night before bed. “I don’t need you to do this for me. I need you to do this for those 37 people who just witnessed a miracle.” I went to sleep that night knowing I had been healed. And as I type this, I do so with a straight smile on my face.
What if I would’ve canceled that weekend because of fear? Because I didn’t have the strength? Because I was overwhelmed by this trial? 37 people would’ve missed out on God’s healing grace, and I may never have known what God had planned to do that day. When we take a step of faith and trust God to show up, He will honor that. 
I pulled back into the motel parking lot after spending an amazing weekend watching women be set free, including myself. It’s possible I stood in the mirror multiple times practicing my smile. You don’t realize until something is gone just how much you took it for granted. Smile today, my friend. Capture the gift God has given you to smile at the world. 
 
On October 2, 2016, we spent our last night in the motel room. No more living out of a cooler. No more trying to shave my legs in a shower I could barely turn around in. I closed the door behind me to take the key back to the front desk, grateful for a new open door in our lives. But there were things that happened in that motel room I wouldn’t take back. I began to understand what the true meaning of rest really is. God took me to a new level of trust with Him. I walked in a place of humility I don’t want to lose. I learned in the midst of trying circumstances, God is ALWAYS good. Always.

On October 3, 2016, I sat in the neurologist’s office smiling as she looked at my face with confusion. Then I told her God healed me. A woman not of the Christian faith, she asked multiple questions, and I had the privilege of saying to her, “37 people laid hands on me and Jesus Christ healed my face.” She sat in awe and so did I. In awe of the amazing God we serve. I’ve since told every doctor I’ve visited through this healing journey about what God did with my face. His miracle didn’t just affect those 37 people in that room that night. It’s affecting the multitudes.
But then.. He’s even bigger. He’s even better. “You didn’t have a stroke,” she said. “You had hemiplegic migraines that mimics the symptoms of a stroke. Now that you are out of the moldy environment you shouldn’t have them anymore.”
“So, you’re telling me I didn’t have stroke?”
“No. You had hemiplegic migraines.”
I made her tell me out loud three different times that I didn’t have stroke. She laughed, confirming each time.
Is it a coincidence God healed my face, gave us a new place to live, and confirmed what I knew in my spirit about not having a stroke all within a weeks time? I think not. I think He was showing off, because He’s good like that.
He tested my faith. He tested my trust. He still is. But I believe He wanted to know if I would show up and let Him lead, or if I would try to remain in control again. I’m not sure I passed the test with an A, but I think I at least got a B+.
Oh I wish we could sit down for coffee and I could tell you all of the pieces I wasn’t able to share in this blog series. Maybe someday I will. But let me close with this.
God wants you, my friend. He wants all of you. Not just the big parts of life you know you can’t control, but the little parts you think you can control. He wants your trust. He wants your obedience. And He gracefully waits for you. He’ll never abandon you while He waits. He wants to do things for you that you’ll never even be able to ask or imagine. But I dare you to ask Him to show those things. I dare you to ask Him to lead you.
I double dare you to ask Him to flip your life upside down. I promise it will be worth it. 
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