Hey.. did you know Betty down the street spent the evening at Bob’s house the other night? I saw her car parked in the driveway. Can you believe she didn’t even have the audacity to hide her car? After all, she’s not even divorced yet. I don’t want to gossip, but I did want to let you know we should pray for her.

Well… I wasn’t going to say anything, but since you brought it up, Susie did get fired, but not for what you think. She was actually sleeping with her boss and word got out. Poor, poor thing. I wonder what she’ll do now. Lord knows she’ll never be able to make it on her own with that shopping addiction.

Before I go any further, let me admit my own guilt. I’ve gossiped. Probably more times than I care to admit. Oh.. the conviction that comes after.. it stinks.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the stories and “concerns” of others, isn’t it? Perhaps it’s even harder living in a small town where everyone literally knows your name.

I wonder each time we get caught up in gossiping about others, how many tears our Father in Heaven truly cries. We are talking about His children, pretending we’re truly concerned, when in reality, we’re just sticking our noses where they don’t belong?

Have you been there, too? Just me?

Defining Gossip

A mentor of mine taught me a great lesson on how to define gossip. It’s stuck with me for years. She says,

If you’re not part of the problem or part of the solution, it’s gossip.

That speaks volumes, doesn’t it? Let’s break that down using the above examples.

[Tweet “If you’re not part of the problem or part of the solution, it’s gossip. “]

I’m not really concerned about praying for Betty. That’s just a great filler to make me look like I’m Christian – like I really care about her wellbeing – when in reality, I’m just focused on judging her versus praying for her.

Betty and I aren’t friends. We see each other at the local cafe once a week and wave and smile. We don’t know much about each other’s families. I just know what I’ve been told by others. Seeing her car parked in Bob’s driveway doesn’t affect me. I’m not part of the problem. Nor am I part of the solution. Because I don’t have a relationship with Betty or Bob, I have no say so in why she parks her car in his driveway over night.
So what place do I have in sharing that news with others? I don’t. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I’m gossiping. My motive isn’t to pray for her. My motive is to judge and get others on board with me as well.
What about Susie? Is it my business she has a shopping addiction? Nope. Guess what? It’s not yours either. Do I really know why she got fired? Probably not, because just like Betty, Susie and I aren’t close friends either. I’m not part of the problem or the solution, so why are we talking about it again? Oh ya, because we’re gossiping about something that’s none of our business.

God Hates Gossip

Perhaps I’m a little forward in this post, but my desire is for us to hate gossip just as much as God hates it. There are six things God hates, and seven that are detestable to Him – a few – haughty eyes, a lying tongue, a heart that plots evil, a false witness who pours out lies.

When we gossip, we’re doing all of the above – judging, lying, plotting evil, and pouring out lies. God doesn’t hate us when we gossip, but He certainly hates what we’re doing.

And here’s another great reminder. If they’re talking about someone else, you can bet they’ll be talking about you too when you’re not around.

Gossips can’t keep secrets, so never confide in blabbermouths. Proverbs 20:19 (MSG)

How Will You Be Remembered? 

Think about this for a second…

The end of your life journey has come. Mourners stand around at your funeral to pay their last respects. What will they say about you?

• He/she was one of the most trusted friends I ever knew. I could trust them with the deepest, most important things. I never had to question his/her integrity.
• She/he was the biggest blabbermouth I knew. If there was every anyone to stir dissension among people, it would be her/him.

Which one are you now? Which one do you want to be? Which one will you choose to be today?
Oh how I long to be remembered for being the trusted friend. The safe place to go to. Not the one who pretended I wanted to pray for Betty and Susie, but the one who genuinely did.

Father, may our hearts may be turned away from deceit and fixed on you. Give us a genuine concern for others, not a facade.  Take control of what we say, O Lord, and guard our lips. 

[Tweet “If they’re talking about someone else, you can bet they’ll talk about you, too. “]