Every year for the last six years, I’ve bought a Mother’s Day card for one of my best friends, Jennifer. She doesn’t have children of her own, yet she deserves to share that special day with a million other moms.
When I met her six years ago, I had no idea we would have the friendship we have today. She has inspired me to go beyond what I knew I was capable of. I’ve cried on her shoulder more times than I can count. She provides me with countless nuggets of wisdom. And she doesn’t hesitate to slap me upside the head when I do something dumb, which is frequently.
Oh … and she’s 45, so that officially makes her old, right?
Jennifer could never have children due to some health issues in her late 20s. For many, that could seem like the end of life. No children so often means no purpose in the lives of some women. Not for her.
I’m writing over at Single Matters Magazine today. Continue reading to learn how you can give birth to more than just children, just as my friend Jennifer did. Tune in here…
We’ve all been rejected at least once in our lives. If I could guess, I bet it’s been more than once.
photo credit: barbaracorcoran
Everyone handles rejection differently, and the way we handle it sets us up for success or failure. It’s up to us, really. Barbara Corcoran, real estate mogul, business expert, and Shark Tank star, can teach us a thing or two about biting back at rejection and not allowing it to define us. (more…)
This is a guest post by my new friend, Wyatt Fisher, Psy. D. Fisher is a Christian Psychologist and the founder of Christiancrush.com. Find him on Google Plus.
Understanding relational styles can be essential to having successful dates, friendships, and even family reunions.
One very common relational style is called “other-orientation”. It’s a nice 50-cent word that means you’re a people pleaser to the core. Other-oriented people are known for being compassionate and agreeable, but these qualities also make them vulnerable.
In an article from Psychology Today, Henriques stated, “It is crucial to note that compassion, attraction and appreciation of the other are some of the most positive and hopeful aspects of being other-oriented.” Being other-oriented might make you more compassionate and agreeable, but it might also make you more likely to forget to take care of yourself.
In general, people who are highly other-oriented rely on the approval of others and avoid conflict. When they are put in a situation that might lead to conflict, they sometimes are told to just be more assertive. Unfortunately for other-oriented people, it’s not as simple as flipping the switch between people-pleasing and demanding what they want. Think of it as a “Don’t Rock the Boat” approach to life – it affects every relationship. Too much other-orientation may lead to extreme dependency. Submitting isn’t always a bad thing, but there are some who are so other-oriented that they’ll submit as the slightest provocation.
If you are other-oriented, don’t feel bad about sympathizing with your friends or wanting to make your date feel more comfortable. Being kind and agreeable is completely natural for you. Just be careful of caring too much about others and not enough about yourself. Friends and family are important people, but you could spend your entire life holding back your own feelings and desires simply to avoid conflicting views. Those who are not 100% other-oriented should keep an eye out for their people-pleasing friends.
If you see someone who too often seeks the approval of others, help them out and remind them that they are just as important as the next person. Here are a few ways we can all help one another:
1) Be Compassionate
Compassion makes the world a better place, but compassion in the name of human approval is dangerous. Try striking a balance between loving others while also loving yourself. If you aren’t other-oriented, take care of those who are by being aware of their tendencies and refusing to manipulate them.
2) Don’t fear others
Receiving disapproval can be debilitating. Read through John 12:37-43 and you’ll see an example of people who didn’t stand up for themselves because they were worried about the human consequences. That final verse packs an impressive punch: “For they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.” These men didn’t follow their consciences or convictions about Jesus because they feared man more than God. We need to stop making fear of disapproval such an idol in our lives and start leading a more liberated life.
3) Be a Jesus Pleaser
Ultimately, we must become more preoccupied with pleasing Jesus than pleasing others. A recent message at Flatirons Church in Colorado emphasized the importance of following Him and obeying His Word at all costs. If we can turn our approval seeking, people pleasing tendency into seeking His approval instead, we’ll be all set. Talk about a transformational redirect! The next time you feel the urge to look towards your peers for your value, beauty, and identity; remember to look up to God instead. By doing so, you’ll be taking your vulnerable tendency of defining yourself through others and rewiring it by illuminating your true self through the One who designed you. What’s helped you stop being a people pleaser? Share with us in the comments below…
The woman on the treadmill next to me, who I like to call “Crazy Treadmill Lady,” was going 5,000 mph. (It was actually 7.5, but for dramatization’s sake, we’ll go with 5,000.)
I was excited about the progress I was making at 4.5 mph until I looked over and saw how fast she was going. All of a sudden, I felt like I couldn’t compare. What was the point of me even going to the gym if I couldn’t keep up with her?
Watch the video to learn how God quickly changed my heart from comparing myself to cheering her on.
Comparison steals joy. Let’s put an end to it. (Tweet that)
Galatians 6:4 says,
Let everyone be sure to do his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work done well and won’t need to compare himself with someone else. (LB)
Yikes. We can’t find satisfaction and do our best for God when we’re disrespecting what He’s blessed us with and desiring what He’s given to someone else. Where do you find yourself comparing to others? How did God draw your heart back to Him? Share in the comments…
God doesn’t laugh with you. He’s too serious for that. He didn’t create humor, so why would you even think about laughing?
This is what so many people are led to believe. That life is serious and God isn’t interested in enjoying time with you. Laughter doesn’t belong in the church.
That’s far from the truth, my friends.
God created laughter, just as He was kind enough to create the sunshine for us to see in the day, and the stars to shine over us as we sleep at night. Except that one really bright star that shines in my face at 2 am. Oh wait.. That’s an airplane. Nevermind.
Seriously though, God wants to laugh with you. (Tweet That)
Enjoy this video as I talk about a recent moment where God and laughed together over the blessing. Yes.. I laughed and prayed at the same time. Shh… don’t tell God.
I hope you learn to laugh with God, too. He takes great delight in you and wants to enjoy every area of your life with you, including the funny stuff that makes Dr. Pepper come out of your nose.
He laughed at me when I asked Him to let the Cubs win the World Series this year. I’m hoping He’ll change his mind. Name something you and God recently had a good laugh about. Share in the comments….
Many of you know I’m a huge fan of the show, Restaurant Impossible. Robert Irvine knows what he’s doing and his leadership skills are impressive.
During a recent episode, a restaurant owner was just months away from her restaurant being closed, which she purchased from the family. Every time Robert would ask her a question, she would start crying. She seemed genuinely desperate for help.
Then Robert started digging and the truth came out.
The restaurant was failing, yes. But Robert was about to get to the why behind the what?
Watch the video to hear exactly why this restaurant was failing and how we can learn to take responsibility together.
Here were a few reasons why the restaurant owner wasn’t taking responsibility for her failing restaurant.
She was lonely and felt abandoned by her family
Because of that, she didn’t think she could trust anyone, which caused her to micromanage
She was trying to hold everyhing together and be in control, because that was safe for her
She was trying to be great at everything and wasn’t good at anything
But why was her temper tantrum good? Because it got to the why. They could now deal with the real issue at hand as to why the restaurant was failing.
After a mini counseling session, she finally took responsibility, realizing she was in an unhealthy position. Was she cured overnight? Doubtful, but she got to the why behind the what, and that will allow her to continue taking the next right step.
So, I ask you today, what do you need to take responsibility for? What’s keeping you from taking the next right step? Where are you stuck? What fear is holding you back?
It’s not until we know the truth, friends, that we can move forward. (Tweet This)
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