In Kay Arthur’s Lord Teach Me to Pray, she discusses several times throughout the study a man named George Mueller. I’m a fan of history, so I decided to look his name up. He’s definitely a man worth reading about. In 1836 Mueller and his wife started an orphanage. By the end of Meuller’s life he raised over 10,000 orphans. As if that’s not enough to be impressed with, it’s how he provided for those orphans that amazed me.
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Is your soul healed, or have you temporarily medicated it, covering up the wounds for a short time?
Jennifer Rothschild says in Me, Myself, & Lies that when we are physically and emotionally spent and worn, we become susceptible to the Enemy’s attack. We become an easy target. As a result of a fatigued soul and body, our Enemy attacks with despair, depression, impatience, lies, and self condemnation. So it’s critical that we speak rest to our souls and stay connected.
As I was finishing up this study, an amazing picture came to me.
When I get sick with a cold, sinus infection, something that requires medicine, I go to the doctor. He looks at my throat, shines the light in my eyes, and looks in my ears and nose. Then he diagnoses me and sends me home with a prescription for an antibiotic. The bottle clearly states to finish the medicine – take ALL of it. But I never do. I start to feel better and quit taking the medicine. I know I should continue to take it, but I store it away for a later date.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve watched this happen in my faith. Something happens that makes me spiritually sick. It could be physically, mentally or emotionally. I find myself crying out to God and begging him to help me. He does. He prescribes the perfect antibiotic to heal me – His Word. I wake up in the mornings craving it. I want to dig deeper into Scripture and find the answers that will heal me.
Then I start to find the answers. I apply them to my life. My soul starts feeling better. It’s not long before I put the antibiotic away and store it for later. I’m better now right? I should only take medicine when I’m sick. I seem to walk around with a smile, a healed soul, and a love for Jesus.
Then it starts again – the sickness. Something knocks me down. I catch the sad bug. I’m defeated, tired, depressed, impatient, full of lies and despair. It’s time to go back to the doctor. This time it’s not the flu. My soul is desperately in need of an antibiotic. It’s desperately in need for God’s Word – the ultimate medicine.
Do you ever have this problem? Why do we wait until we’re so sick that we’ve let the Enemy defeat us before we seek God? What if we continued that ultimate antibiotic everyday? What if we seek Him constantly instead of just when we feel we need Him to rescue us from despair?
Oh how I crave this! I want to wake up every day seeking Him; seeking His Word. Yet I put Him aside and stick Him in storage until I need Him later.
We get sick from many things, including germs. I can’t say we’ll never get physically sick. What if we could never be spiritually sick? I’m a huge fan of hand sanitizer. I use it often. God is the ultimate hand sanitizer. His Word is 100% germ free. If we dig into it, we can’t be sick – we can only be healed.
Let’s not wait until we’re in despair to cry out for healing. Let’s not wait until we feel like we have nothing before we ask Him for something.
What’s your prescription?
So many thoughts fill my head at night.
As I lie in a quiet place.
The busyness of the day dies down, but my mind won’t rest.
I close my eyes and pray, but interruptions are soon to come.
Thinking of this, thinking of that, visuals that I don’t want.
A voice I know doesn’t belong within me, reminds me of so many things.
The strongholds that fill my life stir up inside me like fresh wounds from a battle.
I’m fighting – I am.
I’m fighting to win.
Yet that voice speaks again and again and again.
I cry out to Jesus to take my thoughts captive – suddenly they’re gone.
But just as fast as one thought leaves, another one comes.
Images I don’t want, yet they’re so clear in my mind.
Please leave me alone, please go away.
Lord, Jesus, please renew my mind.
I don’t ask for them, but they come anyway.
The worst of them at the end of the day.
Night is here, the dark has set.
I’m not scared, just lonely, wanting to forget.
They are lies, there’s no truth to words that voice speaks.
I will wake up tomorrow with the thoughts of my dreams.
But there’s another voice I hear, this one is true.
He’s given me a new day, a renewed mind, another chance to be pure.
Tomorrow brings light, a safe place for me.
Night will fall again and my thoughts will repeat.
Each day His strength grows through all of my weakness.
One day I’ll sleep with no thoughts that haunt me.
I wake up and say “Good things are to come.”
I believe, I see, I know His will be done.
I woke up this morning determined to spend time with Jesus. I’m sorry to say that it has been far too long since I have opened my Bible and spent time in God’s Word. These past few days have been a struggle for me. I didn’t keep my focus on Him, and because of that I made poor choices. Yesterday I walked around with guilt, anger, and shame for the things I allowed myself to do. I cried out to God many times. Why did I have to wait for something to go wrong to cry out to God? Because I’m human.
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How easy is it for us to pray for those who persecute us? Let’s be honest, it’s tough! Even as I read through scripture, God’s word, telling me that I must love my neighbor and pray for those who persecute me, I find myself struggling with it.
We had a great speaker in our Monday morning women’s Bible study, Callie Newton. The topic was seeing God’s greatness in ourselves. What perfect timing. This has been an issue I have struggled with for a while now. However, the discussion showed me just how far I have come in realizing the greatness in me. I’ve been able to see my greatness without feeling guilt or arrogance.
I met a woman in the group that is new to our church. I couldn’t remember her name for the life of me, but I knew there was something about her that I liked. We clicked. Later in the morning I found myself sharing intimate parts of my life with her. I told her about being broken before God in September, about the sister that God sent to be with me through my brokenness, about suffering sexual abuse, and about the death of my father.
When the conversation was over she thanked me for being so open with her. I had to stop and take a deep breath for a moment. I closed my eyes, scratched my head, and tried to replay in my head exactly what had just happened. I just told a complete stranger things I barely talk about with those closest to me. Then I realized the purpose of the whole conversation. I don’t know what she got out of it, but I know what I did.
My “pop” passed away in February, and it has been a strange four months. I have went through phases of refusing to admit he was gone, to crying crocodile tears, begging for him to come back. This past month I have decided not to talk about it at all. If I don’t talk about it, it never happened. I have refused to say the words died, passed away, and anything else referring to death. I woke up this morning with him on my mind – I’m missing him very much.
As I was sharing parts of my life over the last two years, I gave bits and pieces of the history with my dad. In August he was diagnosed with cancer. In September I had a nervous breakdown (or breakthrough as I like to call it), two days after we had an argument. I was unable to care for myself physically for several months. I struggled so much during that time, knowing I wasn’t there to take care of him. He was going through chemo and radiation by himself. I needed to be there to take care of him! God couldn’t do it by Himself, I had to help.
As I was talking I felt God’s comfort. I felt like a little girl sitting on his lap as he said, “Sweet child, I did take care of him. He was never alone.” Those words were so comforting to me. I have lived with guilt for almost a year, thinking that I wasn’t there to care for my dad. As the guilt ran through my mind again, God reminded me that my dad needed broken too. As I went through my brokenness, so did he.
Most of you reading this know the rest of the story. But for those of you who don’t, I’ll share briefly. I sat by my dad’s side for three weeks in January as he approached his final days. I took care of him, prayed with him, read to him, and just loved him. But most importantly, I had the privilege of bringing him to Jesus. He passed away in February. I was the last person to talk to him, and the last words I ever heard from him were “I love you”. At his funeral five people came to know Jesus.
As I shared this story with my new friend, I could see the hallelujah in her eyes. It brought tears to my eyes and a big smile to my face. God reminded me again in his lovely, soothing voice that He had taken care of my dad. I smiled and nodded in agreement that he certainly had. In a way we were broken together.
Things I learned today:
God, You are an amazing father. You know when to comfort me, when to humble me, when to break me, when to love me most. Through all of my stubbornness, pride, and selfishness, you still love me. I want to love like you love me. I want to walk like Jesus walked. Thank you for the walls you have broken down. Thank you for the comfort you have given me. Thank you for the days you wrap me in your arms and give me the most amazing, indescribable love. Tell Pop I love him!