I’m Turning 40! Time to Reflect!

by | Faith Lived Out

As I prepare to close out a decade and dive into another one, I’ve been reflecting a lot.

Wow, I’m about to say goodbye to my 30’s. A lot has happened in the last 10 years. I’ve experienced so many losses but also gained so so much.

Ministry.
Moving back to my hometown of Belle (kicking and screaming).
The loss of two mentors (Gary Smalley & Scott-Arthur Allen) almost simultaneously.
Growing with a new church family and watching God change hearts in Celebrate Recovery.
Watching that same church fall apart because of pride, discord, gossip, and hurting people hurting people.
Making friends that you know will always be there for you.
The loss of friendships I never saw coming.
Healing of past trauma that made me despise my hometown.
Watching God change hearts because of His story of redemption in my life.
The death of my step-mom.
Black mold that almost wiped me out.
Healing from the aftereffects of the mold.
More healing in my heart as God continued to work through past trauma.
Strengthened relationships with family.
Heartbreak and broken relationships with family.
Loving my best friend through both the ups and downs of foster care.
Playing a part in the miracle of adoption and becoming the best aunt ever.
I met the man I thought I would marry and picked up the pieces after heartbreak.
Losing my job and getting it back an hour later because, well, God… (Powerful story for another day)
The death of my friend by suicide.
Planting flowers with my grandma Virginia.
Watching a ministry God called me to tumble to the ground from the actions of people I trusted.
Resting in His promises of justice instead of defending myself.
Watching God bring that justice through apologies a few years later.
The death of two dogs.
Teaching men and women in prison how to find their value so they no longer have to stay stuck in their pasts.
God renewed my desire to pursue songwriting as more than just a hobby.
Skin removal surgery.
The death of my aunt Sherri.
A renewed relationship with family I never expected.
God calling me back to Branson without the complete picture of why.
Leaving Belle behind after 7 years with a grateful heart for what God did, along with a sadness to leave my hometown.
I walked with my best friend through months of watching her husband almost lose his life due to illness.
Seeing God do a miracle in their lives.
I prayed for my stepdad to walk out of the fire from the enemy’s attacks and see him rise out of the ashes.
Finding a new church family.
Experiencing spiritual warfare at a whole new level.
Fighting for a friendship I never thought I’d have to fight for.
The death of my grandpa Wimp.
The death of my aunt Vicki.
God called me to not just write songs but pursue the calling of creating music as an artist.
Alpha-gal and other health struggles.
3 single-song contracts, 2 music releases, relationship building with people in the music business, and a partridge in a pear tree.

I have so much to be thankful for! The last 10 years have been both challenging and incredible.

I’ve experienced devastation, and I’ve seen miracles. And this I know… I would not have survived my 30s without God’s protection. Without clinging to Him like my life depended on it because my life depended on it.

At 39, I know things I didn’t know at 30. And as I prepare to embark on my 40s, I’ll learn something I didn’t know in my 30s.

I am so blessed – blessed by so many things I don’t deserve, but God’s goodness is well… so so good.

Here’s to saying goodbye to my 30s and H.E.L.L.O. to a new decade of awesomeness!

I Saw the Circle

by | Faith Lived Out

I saw it. The six-foot-wide circle of oak where legends have stood and where the legends-in-the-making dream about standing. But I didn’t just see it. No, I saw it from an angle I never dreamed would happen. I saw it from the back of the stage of the Grand Ole Opry, where those same legends walked. Excuse me while I still pinch myself. 

I inched my way closer to the right as one of those legends took the stage and caught a glimpse of the circle. And I tried to remain calm and adult well. It was tough.  

I saw the packed house in the crowd and thought to myself, they see the circle, too, but not like this. And at that moment, I was really glad I’d gone to the bathroom before showtime because the excitement and nerves would’ve made my bladder sing its own tune. 

But I’m getting ahead of myself. 

You see, I wasn’t supposed to be at the Opry that night. I’d made a quick trip to Nashville for a couple of meetings, a co-write, and a writer’s round. While scrolling through Instagram stories, I saw that Pam Tillis would be gracing the circle my last evening in Nashville. The next thing I know, my friend Cindy is saying things like, “We need to leave by 5:30. We’ll go to dinner first. Pam put our name on the guest list.” 

Again, I tried to remain calm and not pee my pants. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Or maybe it’s not. Perhaps I should get my bladder checked, or does that just come with age? 

As we found our way to the parking lot, I was pretty sure Missouri could hear my heartbeat from there. I was about to meet Pam Tillis. As we walked through the Artist Entrance, I was trying to grasp the reality that hundreds of artists have walked that same way many times; George Jones, Merle Haggard, Loretta Lynn, Mel Tillis, and even my buddy Paul Harris of The Cleverly’s, most recently. 

Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe. 

I repeated that in my head several times as we walked through the halls, and again after I looked to my left and there sat John Conlee in his dressing room. Oh, my grandma’s gonna freak! 

Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe. 

And then there it was… the sign on the door reading, “Women of Country.” We walked in, and there she was, the one and only Pam Tillis strapping on a guitar and getting ready to warm up for her set with the band. 

I sat on the couch and took a deep breath as I noticed I was surrounded by pictures on the wall of Women in Country staring back at me. Reba, Terri Clark, Minnie Pearl, Kitty Wells, Loretta, Tammy, and Jean Shepherd were there. And, of course, there was Dolly Parton. 

Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe. 

And then there was music. And I sat in the dressing room, and tears started to well up as Pam rehearsed “Last Summer’s Wine.” 

Ain’t it funny how memories/Grow sweeter with time/Here’s to you and me/And last summer’s wine. 

This was really happening. Right. In. Front. Of. Me. And I tried to suck the tears back. 

Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe. 

But you see, all that’s hard to do when what’s happening right in front of you aligns with your dreams and desires to create songs for a living. Pam isn’t just a singer. She’s an amazing songwriter. “Spilled Perfume” is one of my favorite songs. I love the emotion and the way the words flow together so well. 

As a fan, it was so hard to wrap my mind around this moment, and as a songwriter, hearing the words come alive right before my very eyes moved me in a way that’s hard to describe. Music does that, ya know. 

And then she broke into one of her dad’s songs, ya know, the legend Mel Tillis, and my heart melted for my beautiful friend Cindy. To me, Mel’s a Country Music icon. To Cindy, he was “daddy.” I know where my emotions were. I can’t imagine where hers were. 

I love when God smiles on us just when we need it. Father’s Day had just passed. Cindy didn’t know Pam would sing one of his songs to honor him. Here I thought I was the one getting the cool gift, but God was loving on us both in different ways. 

And then it was showtime, and we all got up and started walking toward the stage. Like, the stage? The Opry stage? Me? I’m going? 

Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe. 

As Pam walked confidently, leading the path for the rest of us to get backstage, I was reminded of all those who’d walked before her, leading that same path. I was literally walking where legends had walked, and I was struggling so much to wrap my head around all of it. I hadn’t had time to prepare. 

And as Pam was preparing to go on, rising artist and singer of “Huntin’ Season,” Mackenzie Carpenter, was walking off the stage after just making her Grand Ole Opry debut. I had just unexpectedly watched a dream come true for another artist. It was incredible! 

And then I saw it… the circle. 

And I watched Pam Tillis open with “When You Walk in the Room,” and I once again tried to grasp that this was my current reality. Then Cindy reached over and whispered, “Someday, someone will be singing your songs on that stage.” Prophetic words, I believe. 

Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe. 

We walked back to the dressing room after the set, and that was it. The end. It was time for the band to pack up and go home. It was time for Pam to get ready for her next tour stop. And it was time for Cindy and me to head home so I could pack up and head back to Missouri the next day. 

It was time to return to normal. But I don’t think it’s that easy. You see, some moments change your life, and there are moments that you just never come back from the same. This was that. 

Was it because I walked where legends walked? Partly. Was it because I met Pam Tillis? Partly. Was it because I saw my sweet friend Cindy hear one of her dad’s songs sung in the circle? Partly. But it was also a reminder to me that my dreams and desire to be a professional songwriter are inches away from becoming a reality. It was a reminder to keep dreaming, pushing through the hard, and jumping over the rejections because a yes is coming. 

Those women on the walls in the dressing room did the same. They dreamed. They did. They worked hard. They pushed through the rejections. And because of it, the world knows Terri Clark, Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton, and of course, Pam Tillis. 

I finally remembered to breathe when we got in the car, and as I write this, I’m still trying to grasp the reality of all of it – the reality of a girl’s dreams coming true. And the reality that I saw the circle.

Be calm, Sundi Jo. Act cool. You’re fine. Smile. Breathe. 

Rediscovering Identity: Escaping the Pit of Homosexuality

by | Faith Lived Out

I had to run some errands in Springfield the other day and happened to be downtown. The Lord led me to drive by this place.  I’ve not been by that place in over 15 years. It definitely wasn’t a coincidence that God would lead me there at the start of pride month. 

No one was behind me, so I just stopped in the road for a minute and thanked God for His love; for pulling me out of the pit of the darkness; for showing me How much He loved me; and for setting me free from the lies I believed about who I was. 

I spent many weekends in this bar, drinking, laughing, dancing, and watching drag shows. I mentioned laughing because I was at that moment “having the time of my life” until one day, I realized that laughter was a coping mechanism to keep me from dealing with the true loneliness in my soul. 

I was so lost I couldn’t see straight. So broken. So desperate for something more, but I didn’t know what it was. There was a desperation to belong; for a moment, I thought I’d found where I belonged. But I would always wake up with that desperation still stirring in my soul. 

The enemy had stolen my identity as a small child. Confusion, chaos, fear, rejection, abandonment, and the list goes on… they kept me from knowing who I truly was, who God designed me to be, the plans He had for me, and the dreams He desired for me. 

But God… 

“I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.” – Psalm 40:1-3

Honestly, the first part of that Scripture isn’t true for me. I didn’t wait patiently for God, but He sure did wait patiently for me. And when I invited Him to set me free from the despair in my soul, whatever that would look like, He accepted the invitation and pulled me out of the pit.

And frankly, He still has to pull me out of the pit regularly. I can get myself into some stuff, let me tell ya. 

I don’t know how I ever did life without Him, and though I don’t want to reminisce and sit in the old memories of my life, I also never want to forget the pit He pulled me out of. 

Sitting on the road, I thought of a few different memories of my time inside that bar, and I didn’t get sad. I didn’t get mad at myself. I didn’t sit in shame. No, I smiled and thanked God for His love, grace, and mercy. And I thanked Him for pulling me out of the pit. 

And then I prayed… Prayed for every person who walks through those doors to realize God can pull them out of the pit. That God can show them who they truly are, not who the enemy wants them to believe they are. 

And then I drove home with a grateful heart. 

5 Ways to Make Your Mom Cry on Mother’s Day

by | Faith Lived Out

Mother’s Day is right around the corner. What a day! It’s the one day each year when we get to make our mama’s a priority and show our love and appreciation to them.

Wanna make your mom cry this Mother’s Day, in a good way? Here are some gift ideas.

Personalized Photo Book

A photo book filled with pictures of your family, memories from special occasions, and pictures of your mom with her children and grandchildren is a gift that will be treasured for years to come.

Spa Day

Give your mom the gift of relaxation and self-care by treating her to a spa day. You can book her an appointment at a local spa or create a DIY spa experience at home with candles, bath salts, and a good book and glass of wine.

Personalized Jewelry

Get mom that special necklace, bracelet, or ring – something she can wear everyday day as a reminder of how much you love her. Maybe get the piece engraved with her name, or have a special message inscribed on it.

Write It Down

There are lots of ways you can write out your love for your mom, maybe filling a small notebook with stories of your favorite memories. Consider stuffing a mason jar full of folded-up notes with special messages of what you love about her.

Give Her an Original Song

What if this is the year that you give her a one-of-a-kind gift she’s never had before? No, it’s not a spa package. No, it’s not flowers. It’s not chocolate. Give your mom a gift this Mother’s Day that will get her crying every time she hears it.

I’m excited to announce that I am writing custom, one-of-a-kind songs personalized for you and your loved ones.

Tell me what you love about your mom, your favorite times together, experiences, inside jokes, etc., and I will turn it into a custom song that showcases your love and appreciation for her and all she’s done. Of course, you might shed a tear or two as well.

Mother’s Day is May 14, so now is the time to get your custom song, as I only have four openings available. The deadline is Wednesday, April 19, to ensure you get your custom song just in time.

Contact me today for more information. I’m looking forward to helping you make new memories on this Mother’s Day!

Looking Back As I Look Forward

by | Faith Lived Out

Sometimes I believe the lie that I haven’t made much progress in my life.

Sometimes I beat myself up for screwing up and not doing better.

Sometimes I wish I were further along in my health and faith journey.

Sometimes… I just need to get over myself and knock it off.

My mom had some film developed, and here are some of the results. This was my 21st birthday party.

I didn’t know the Lord.

I weighed over 300 lbs.

I was in a same-sex relationship.

I was bitter and full of unforgiveness.

I was desperate to feel loved.

I. Was. So. Broken.

But God…

We’re going to fall. We’re going to fail. We’re going to hurt others. We’re going to get hurt by others. We’re going to go through dry seasons. We’ll go through seasons of abundance. We’ll cry tears of sadness and happiness. We’ll mess up again and need more grace.

But one really screwed-up day with God is better than one without Him.

God will restore what the locusts have eaten. – Joel 2:23.

Where do you need to look back today to realize how far God has brought you?