In 2012, I put some of the most vulnerable words ever written in a book for the world to read, when I released my memoir, Dear Dad, Did You Know I Was a Princess?
It’s so humbling to see how God used my mess and my redemption to inspire others to allow Him to heal the deepest parts of their brokenness.
Last year my publisher closed it’s doors and there I was… without any copies of the book. So… I decided to do something about it.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I stopped blogging for a while. A long while, actually.
That doesn’t mean I’ve stopped writing, but I’ve been in a season of life where my writing became personal – just a place for me and God, and sometimes a few close friends. A place in life where I have poured my heart out to Abba – all the ugly and all the beautiful.
The last 9 months of life have been indescribable, heartbreaking, hopeful, healing, miserable, joy-filled, and redemptive. Someday I will talk about it all when the time is right and God gives me the green light.
Paul said, “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.”
Guilty! Why do refuse the hand of Christ when we’re in the midst of darkness? Our hearts cry out for Jesus but our minds tell us no.
We know right from wrong. We know truth from lies. Yet we choose darkness.
Because we’re in a battle.
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Loneliness. There are so many different layers. You can be in a crowd full of people and walk away empty, like you’re completely alone.
There’s the loneliness of feeling like you just don’t belong, no matter where you are or who you’re around.
There’s the loneliness of feeling misunderstood all of your life, wishing people could just look inside your heart for a minute and see the person you really are, the person you want to be.
The loneliness of hurting when other people hurt, crying for them, interceding, and wishing you could make their hurt go away, trying not to always fix the problem because you’re a fixer.
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This is a guest post by Kristin L. Hanley. Kristin is a homeschool mom, an adjunct professor, and a Bible study leader. Her book, Navigating a Sea of Emotions was released in January. To learn more about Kristin, visit her blog. Kristin and her family live near Branson, Missouri.
My lungs panic, pumping faster than they should while still unable to fully expand. In similar fashion, my heart contributes the backbeat in rapid succession. I close my eyes and cross my arms over my chest, willing myself to calm down. Despite what my brain is trying to communicate, my body doesn’t comply. I’m having another panic attack.
Despite numerous pleas with God, relaxing practices, and even a hot bath, my body still won’t release its anxious grip over me, and I want to scream. Maybe doing so would help me.
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You. Yes, you… The one sitting there in a cesspool of shame thinking you’re the only one who has sinned and if anyone finds out your secret you’ll be publicly flogged, kicked out of town, and thrown into a pit of hungry hyenas. I love you.
No, seriously, I do. I love you right where you are.
I loved you yesterday when you snuck to the liquor store to buy a couple of bottles of wine to drown out the pain of rejection.
I loved you yesterday when lied to your boss about why you were late for work.
I loved you yesterday when you bought that pack of cigarettes after 12 years of being smoke-free.
I loved you yesterday when you went back into the arms of an old romance so you could fulfill an empty void.
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