In 2001, I packed my bags and moved 400 miles to the city I’d dreamed about for years. Since I was a little girl in the small town of Belle, Mo., I knew someday I’d either live in Hollywood and be an actress or move to Nashville and write songs so I could hear other people sing them on the radio. At 18 years old, I chose Nashville.

“I want to be a songwriter,” I told my family. They all thought I was crazy, but I went anyway. I pulled into “Music City” with my pickup truck and a suitcase full of dreams.

I wanted to be a songwriter but I didn’t have the first clue what I was doing. When people would ask me what I was doing there, as I waited tables at Shoney’s, I’d say, “I want to write songs.” I didn’t want to be a singer. I didn’t want to be in a band. I just wanted to write. Looking back on that time I realize there was a very important piece of the puzzle missing.

Jeff Goins writes in his new book, Real Artists Don’t Starve, 

Eventually, you have to decide who you are. You have to choose your role and own that identity. We don’t fake it till we make it. We believe it till we become it.

After a well-known “expert” in the industry tried to sleep with me in exchange for his knowledge, I remember asking my 18-year old self, Am I going to have to sell my soul to be in this business? I quickly declined his offer and sped back to my tiny apartment in a city full of strangers before anything else bad could happen.

Leaving the dream…

The fear of that day and a family emergency convinced me to pack up my bags after three months of pursuing my dream and head back home. I didn’t give up writing songs altogether, but I left a piece of my heart in Nashville that day. I wasn’t cut out for the dream, or so I thought.

I was driving the other day and heard a song come on as I was scanning through the radio and I started crying. It was so beautifully written. You could tell the words had come from a place of heartbreak. It was real. Raw. Beautifully pieced together. Why did I cry? Not because the song was sad, but because I realized I had never come to terms with my identity as a songwriter. 

It took me back to the words I shared above.

I moved to Nashville with a dream, but not the confidence of who I really was – a songwriter. No.. I still had a dream to write songs, but I didn’t own that dream. I didn’t fully believe in my ability to identify as a songwriter. Perhaps I wouldn’t have headed back home so soon if I had chosen to “believe it till I became it,” as Jeff says.

It’s never too late…

In 2009, God put the dream of writing songs on my heart again. This time I wasn’t writing about whiskey and tears. I was writing about forgiveness and redemption. My dream had been redeemed through the art of songwriting. It was a fun hobby I was grateful to dig into again.

But was it really a hobby? No.. it was a dream that needed to be reignited. 

In the last two years the dream has definitely been reignited. (Check out some of the songs I’ve written here.) As I watch God work in the lives of others and overcome my own struggles, one of the most therapeutic ways for me to work though issues is to pick up the guitar and write. But in the midst of that, I’m realizing something.

“Believe it till I become it,” Jeff writes. Songwriting isn’t just a hobby. It’s a dream. It’s a passion. It’s an art that I desire to share with the world through others artists who use their voices to inspire others. And I’m actually really good at it.

When that song came on the radio the other day and made me cry, there was something deeper and I finally knew what it was. I wasn’t identifying with the gift. I wasn’t choosing a role – I was simply dreaming about it. 

The next morning a friend came over for coffee and I said, “I moved to Nashville when I was 18 to pursue songwriting. After an expert tried to sleep with me, I walked away scared thinking I would have to sell my soul to make this dream come true and I didn’t want to. Then, my aunt got sick and I needed to come home. I left Nashville that day and let a dream die. But God is reviving it.” Through tears I confidently put my coffee down, held my head up and said, “My name is Sundi Jo and I am a songwriter.”

Now is the right time…

What dream have you let go of? Where have you let your gift of being an artist die? There’s no time like the present to decide who you are, my friend. God has ignited a passion in your heart and it’s time to become a thriving artist, not a starving artist.

I find it interesting where I’m at in life at this moment. I left Belle again not long after giving up on that dream, and I drifted for many years, simply surviving instead of living. And two years ago I came back to my hometown to start Esther’s House. I have a feeling God is opening doors to use my gift of songwriting that will someday financially provide as we offer hope to broken women. 

As long as I continue to embrace the gift, I believe He will honor that. I’m not quitting my day job quite yet, because I don’t want to live life as a starving artist, I want to live it as a thriving artist.

[ctt template=”5″ link=”JR_Bb” via=”yes” ]I don’t want to live my life starving. I want to live it thriving. [/ctt]

Read Jeff’s new book. You won’t regret it. And I would bet my first royalty check that you won’t turn the last page of that book without something being reignited in you. 

My name is Sundi Jo and I am a songwriter? What about you?

You can listen to a few of the songs I’ve written here if you’d like…

Is there a dream you’ve given up on? What do you sense God is reigniting in you?