A couple of weeks ago I was hanging out with some new friends. We’re still in the “getting to know each other” stage, so there are still those awkward pauses, stares, shifting in our chairs, etc.
Things were going well, until I heard these words come out of one of my new friends’ mouths.
“I’m the fat girl,” she said with a smile, as though bringing humor to it would lighten the impact of those words. They may have for her and the others around us, but not for me.
It made my blood boil. I was mad. I still am. Not at her. I’m mad she believes what the devil is telling her. Mad she truly thinks of herself as the “fat girl” when God thinks of her in such a different way.

I’m mad, because I relate. 

I know what it’s like to be the fat girl. I especially know what it’s like to use humor to make it seem like it’s no big deal. Humor has been and still is my greatest defense mechanism. It’s how I survived most of my life.
Yes, I weighed over 300 lbs., had zero self-esteem, ate my way through pain, refused to talk about my struggles, harbored bitterness in my heart for years, hid addictions underneath my smile, but I could make those around me laugh in an instant.

What happens behind closed doors? 

I can’t really speak for my new friend, but I can guess what she does when the laughter stops and she’s alone. If she’s calling herself that name in front of others and believing that lie, I can imagine what she’s saying to herself and believing when no one is around.
I bet her self-talk goes a little something like this:

I’ll never amount to anything. I’m worthless. I’m ugly. Unlovable. Pathetic. 

The list continues. I’ve had those conversations with myself many, many times.

Here’s the truth…

If we don’t know who we are in Christ, we can’t fully grasp how much God loves us. We have to know what God says about us, and we do that through His Word.

• He loves you with an everlasting love.
• He is enthralled with your beauty.
• He is your friend.
• He holds you in His righteous right hand.
• You are His beloved.
• He has washed you white as snow.
• He has made you pure, again.
• You are His child.

You are Loved

I could keep going. He loves you, my friend. He loves you more than you can even begin to understand, but until you grasp that, you’ll just keep looking at yourself as “the fat girl.”
Well – I’m not okay with that. I’m not okay with people talking about my friends, or my friends talking bad about themselves. I’m not okay with the lies my friend is believing about herself, just like my friends weren’t okay with the lies I believed about myself.
I’m not perfect. I still struggle. Sometimes I’m the hardest person to give grace to. But it’s much better than it used to be. Why? Because when I start to believe a lie about myself, I go to the truth of what God says about me. Most importantly, I don’t just read the Truth, I believe it. 
You are not “the fat girl. You are not worthless. You are not ugly. You are not a bad wife. You are not a horrible mother. You are not a lousy employee. You are God’s beloved.
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[reminder]What does God say about you that I haven’t included in the list?[/reminder]