My life just took a giant leap into the next healing phase. I don’t know whether to fall asleep from exhaustion or jump and shout from relief.
My “pop” passed away in February. It has been a difficult, exhausting, unbelievable, emotional, confusing, sad, happy, and overwhelming five months. I have celebrated his “Homecoming” to Jesus. I have cried myself to sleep wanting him to come home. I’ve asked why many times. I have been in denial. I’ve even refused to talk about it.
My dad was cremated. When I returned home from his funeral, I walked into my apartment carrying a box full of his ashes and a picture of him – that was all I had left of him. Friends who were there for support immediately came to my rescue. They put the box of ashes in the closet and stuck his picture on my bathroom counter for me too look at. After she saw the sadness on my face from looking at the picture, she put that in the closet too.
That’s where they’ve stayed. Until today that is. I was cleaning house, jamming out to some Dolly Parton. I sat on my bed to fold some clothes and looked up. There was the box. There was my dad. For the first time since his funeral I picked up that box. I sat on my bed and just stared.
As I started to put it back I felt God tugging on my heart. “It’s time.” He was right – it was time. I sat the box on my entertainment center, reminding myself I needed to breathe. (That certainly explained the dizziness.) There was something missing. I knew exactly what it was. I headed back to the closet and got his picture out.
I’m sitting here writing this, looking at my dad’s picture for the first time in five months. He’s smiling at me. I’m smiling back, remembering the lasts words I ever heard from him were “I love you.” For those of you who know me best, this is a huge step for me. And I’m surviving it – I’m okay!
Thank you Jesus for your strength. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for the healing you brought me today. Thank you for giving my pop the chance to get to know you.